REDIRECTED TO MAYBEMAIMED.COM: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

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I gotta say, I'm glad the world has someone like Bitchy Jones, who in her famous irreverent ranting style has sunk her claws deep into the hypocrisy that is the common (mis)perception about cuckolding, but I really wish all this talk of those truly sad and pathetic conversion project guys (who should totally read Tom's comments) and the firestorm around this kink or that's validity would cease.

Frankly, I'm just not intereted in any of it because I am neither the target audience or feel as though there is (much) to learn from these discussions (though I can't say that there is no knowledge ripe for the picking from them). I don't care about what other people are doing wrong because I am far more interested in what I can do right.

And, frankly, I'm way too selfish a human being to fight this fight for the benefit of others. It is truly unfortuante that there are not others out there in greater numbers who are actually self-aware enough to discover the excitement of authentic connection and erotic power exchange, but that is mostly their loss, not mine. Besides, though I don't want to go into specifics, I have done a lot for my community on this front already, and I am still doing steadily more.

Really, though, I just miss the level of introspection I was finding on the blogosphere in much more abundance before this hailstorm of things-gone-wrong came about. And after all, not that it isn't sometimes necessary, but isn't focusing on the things gone wrong counterproductive anyway?

I get off on things being unfair in a D/s relationship. I get fewer orgasms, I have less money, I have more tasks, and so on. The imbalance is a display of power, the unfairness stimulating as a reminder of my submission. But it's a tricky thing. It becomes a slippery slope very quickly. The unfairness of the situation itself is a powerful turn on.

Very much like the issue with punishment, I enjoy the fantasy of the unfairness more than I enjoy the reality of it. As a fantasy, things being unfair can be hot and arousing, accentuating the emotions of submission with emotions of helplessness at being "forced" to do something and of having no choice. In reality, when things are so imbalanced that they are wildly unfair, I become resentful or jealous ("my life is so much harder than yours"). This makes me believe that a very clear line must be drawn between the fantasy and the reality, and that these limits must be treated seriously. There's nothing wrong with playing with the fantasy, but making this fantasy a reality could lead to detrimental effects.

The most arousing fantasy of unfairness I have involves cuckolding and orgasm denial. Cuckolding in general is something that is a very, very dangerously slippery slope for most couples. If not communicated properly, performed carefully, or allowed to get to either partner's head too much, it can ruin a good relationship. I have never been cuckolded before, though I have been cheated on multiple times by more than one partner. Interestingly, even though these were horrible experiences, an element of them--the element of unfairness and cruelty--was arousing. I fantasize about my girlfriend with other men on a regular basis at the same time as I make myself anxious thinking about it.

My fantasy involves having my girlfriend masturbate another guy until he orgasms, possibly several times, allowing him to have sex with her or to use me to obtain his climax while I am denied the same pleasure. Both of them would then taunt and tease me about how unfair it is that he gets all the orgasms he wants and I don't get any. This is, very much like the punishment scenario, something I may not find arousing in reality, but the fantasy is incredibly powerful.

I wonder what things we can do to ease the negative emotions that would come up if this sort of thing became a reality....

One way to do this that doesn't touch on the emotions triggered by involving a third person is to use pornography to showcase other people's orgasms, such as pictures of cumshots or videos of people having orgasms (see, for example, Beautiful Agony) or of course, watching my partner masturbate. For some reason, however, it's a more powerful tease if the person orgasming is a guy (since I am). Another fantasy image I have often is that of being tied up, perhaps spread eagled to a bed, and being made to watch clips of guys getting off in any numberof ways while I, myself, am getting teased to the edge again and again, listening to my Mistress goading me on about how badly I must want to shoot like the guys in the videos (or the man she's with).

That's all really, just some late-night fantasy wonderings.

I don't really think this will happen any time soon, but as is the case with most of my writing, it tends to come out in spurts. (Hmm, freudian spill, there?) ;) Anyway, to help prevent this from dying down, and because it's just plain fun, I'm instituting a "Wednesday Wanderings" content category for my blog, which will basically be a short list of links about some topic with a short blurb about what I think about what I've found there.

Several good things can come of this. First, it will keep me trying to find good stuff out there. I don't want to link to uninteresting or redundant things. Second, it will keep me reading about things I have not read about before. This is more than just fun for the sake of variety--although that's a major benefit right there--but it's also an important ingrediant for learning. Third, it'll provide a nice way for me to say thank you to others who have put the time and energy into making something worth consuming. (Damn freudian slips.)

That said, a few caveats are in order. There's a ton of reading material out there, and there are only 24 hours in the day. Most of these hours I have to spend doing things other than reading about BDSM, which is indeed unfortunate but true. As a result, I may not actually read every last word of every last page I link to. It just isn't feasible. Second, I'm not actually endorsing anything I link to, I'm just linking to it because for one reason or another, I found it cool.

(As a side note, Goddess Alexandra posted a very touching entry regarding the expectation or idea that D/s is a full-time thing. Or rather, that it doesn't have to be. It's another great example of trying the shoe on for size and only buying it if it fits. I think you should read it.)

Finally, the obvious question: "Don't you link to tons of stuff in normal posts anyway?" Yes, it's true that I do this all the time anyway, but I think having some kind of publication schedule will help me keep this site active as well as maintain my interest in all these other areas. Besides, sometimes a list format is just easier to speed-read through than a blog post.

So without further ado, the first Wednesday Wandering list is below:

• Making Him Your Dream Man: Male Chastity FAQ - I'm sure it's no surprise that male orgasm denial is on the first Wednesday Wandering list. This 8-step guide to male chastity is illustrated with cartoons in the style of Jan Thor's Chastity Belt Page and I found them to be a lot of fun.
  
  The steps themselves are short, simple explanations and written with a wonderful conversational tone. There's nothing in-depth here, but it's a fun read and is a great, gentle introduction to male chastity for women (aka, The Vanila Domme) who may not understand why they might be interested.


• Maria's Diary - The author of this site (Maria, if you haven't guessed), bills it as the "thoughts and experiences of a dominant wife," and that's a great synopsis. What sort of experiences does this dominant wife have, however? Well, lots! And not just with her husband.
  
  Maria cuckolds her husband Martin, and they both get off on it quite a bit. What I loved about the few diary entries I've read here is that she doesn't focus on just one aspect of her play or relationship, but actually tells the full story of each experience from background to actual experience all the way through reflection. She even writes about the conversations she has with husband about the cuckoldry itself. Maria writes a lot, she writes expressively, and there are even pictures! I've already bookmarked her diary and printed out the first article so I can read it on the train today.
  
  Unfortuantely she has decided not to write more in her diary, and from what I gathered it seemed to be the result of too much less-than-positive attention. Nevertheless, the archives are fantastic and I encourage you to read them if cuckoldry and female dominance have any interest to you at all.


• Lady Julia's Entranced Realm - One of my favorite Femdom bloggers, Julia's site is full of wonderful accounts of her experiences on her blog and throughout the rest of her site that are told in one of the kindest, most personable ways I've seen. She is engaging, intelligent and opinionated, but best of all open to debate and discussion, so if you read her posts don't hesitate to comment on them!
  
  Additionally, and this is why she's making my list today, she has a wealth of information on the topic of erotic hypnosis (her hypnosis articles are not to be missed) which has just recently become a new fascination for me. I've already found some eye-opening stuff by perusing these articles and you can rest assured I'll certainly be reading the remainder of them.