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Friday, March 16, 2007

Face slapping and my many reactions to it

I have only ever done face slapping with my current girlfriend and Mistress because it is a very hot-button issue for me. There's an intensely contextualized component to this activity that can give it so many meanings, both for the person doing the hitting and the one getting hit. Being hit, I can feel any one of defiant, submissive, or abused (in both good and bad ways). Each emotion carries a huge weight and affects the scene.

Face slapping is tricky for me that way because I can't ever seem to predict what reaction I'll have from it, regardless of any prior activity or the context of the scene. So this form of play is very hit-or-miss for me; either the activity will add a lot of pleasure to the experience for both of us, or it will really send me into a negative spiral that I don't really want. That is to say, if I am feeling like I want to be abused but instead I feel defiant when struck, that wrecks my mood pretty harshly and causes all sorts of emotional "static" that I have trouble with during the rest of the scene. Of course, "wrecks" is not always the right word, because the issue is mostly about how this incredibly intense button is pushed, not always what happens because of it.

Hm.... Certainly something to think about more, eh?

One thing I was never able to relate to was the notion of ritualizing this form of play. On Fetish Lore, Ranai writes:

A ritualised form of face slapping:
I sit. He kneels before me. I order him to keep his hands behind his back. I look into his eyes, raise my hand and slap his cheek. Then I present that same hand before him. He bends down and kisses the back of my hand. He straightens up again. I slowly raise my hand and slap him again. I present my hand. He kisses my hand again. I do it with the other hand. And so forth. Doing this a few times in silence can be a powerful thing.

I can certainly relate to the power of this action, and I would also very willingly (perhaps happily? I'm not sure...) do it if commanded to by my Mistress, but this is not something I can see myself wanting to do of my own volition. I have trouble with rituals and tradition to begin with, so maybe that issue plays a large part of my reluctance to do that sort of thing. On the flip side, it is an intensely erotic and arousing thought to be conditioned to enjoy this ritual for some reason, but the kinky desire in that context would be the conditioning and control, not the ritual.

Ranai also provides a contrasting mood:

In a fun mood:
If I have brought my partner to the edge of an orgasm, a deep look into his eyes and a slap or two on his cheek can be the final action that sends him over the edge. That's a great experience for me too.

Now this I can totally get behind, for several reasons. First, it has always been hotter to me to think of single slaps, not consistent or rhythmic slaps. Perhaps it is the spontanaety of the act, or perhaps it is just because I'm not really that big a fan of face slapping to begin with. (Hitting is awesome. Hitting my face is questionable because I don't know why it makes me react so unpredictably.) Either way, there is a strong contextual undertone that I link directly to orgasm control with the idea of being slapped during orgasm, and that is simply that the pleasure of the orgasm is being very cruelly interupted by the dominant. And that, as is not surprising, is really hot for me.

I also react strongly to being touched simply and lightly, caressed on the cheek or the bridge of my nose. There is something extra powerful, especially intimate about the face.


Giles English said...

Interesting. Face slapping is very retro feminine - the epitomy of non-fetish femme fatale behaviour, which is why I used it as a pivotal moment in my novel.

(I once had a girlfriend who did it for real when she was angry, and I must admit it was a turn on.)

maymay said...

It's hard to "get face slapping right" for me, if you'll pardon the absolutism in that remark, but one thing I feel I would always react badly to is this kind of thing done to me out of real anger. Even when playful, I don't like the thought of being slapped in the face because I did something "wrong." It is much more palpable for me to think about being slapped because of some sadistic nature of my top than to treat it as a disciplinary measure. I can eroticize the former but not so with the latter.

devastatingyet said...

I think slapping in anger would be too easy to get in the habit of doing, if you started and you felt entitled/allowed to do it. I occasionally hurt Joscelin a little bit, playfully, when he makes a smartass remark, but I am careful to keep my hands off of him when I'm actually angry. That's not what I want pain between us to mean. And I'd probably be extra-careful about slapping in such a situation, just because (as I said) it could come so naturally.