REDIRECTED TO MAYBEMAIMED.COM: Maybe Maimed but Never Harmed

A few days ago I asked whether or not regular sex was actually regular. Today, on Richard's Fetish Lore discussion forum I was reminded of a time when sex was almost (so close!) to being regular:

The most "vanilla" sex I think I've ever felt was when she was fucking me with her strap on on our bed. No ropes, no chains, no teasing, just sex. Of course, there was an element of power play present, but the experience was also just very indulgent for us both.

I like that word, indulgent, because it rings in my mind as the very essence of what sex is. I think that if there is such a thing as regular sex, both partners would feel as though they are indulging themselves as well as their partner at the same time. In fact, they would be indulging in the body of their partner (or partners).

In many ways, this implies a physicality that is almost more present than in a D/s sexual dynamic because the participants thoughts are (and I'm guessing) geared exclusively on the pleasure of the experience. While this is ultimately the case for a D/s scenario as well, there are many more layers of emotional construction that the experience lies upon in such an emotionally charged context.

It's very difficult if not impossible to have a Dominant/submissive dynamic without some kind of very intense emotion, good or bad. However, I feel (subjectively) as though with "regular sex" it is far easier to engage on a purely physical level. This is how I felt about BDSM scenes before I found the desire to be submissive to my girlfriend. The scene, whether it was a flogging or a whipping or a knife play scene, was always about the physical sensations and never about submitting or the emotional connection I had with another person. In hindsight, it was a lonely experience and that's probably why I craved the conversations about the experience afterwards. That part was the emotional connection.

I loved those scenes and I was, and am to this day, very good friends with many of the people I played with. The notion that the physicality of the scenes were somehow less emotionally heavy did not make them less "good." Nevertheless, there was more to the picture for me, and D/s is the other puzzle piece. Once again, the dichotomy of the experience is absolutely necessary; both body and mind must be engaged to feel fulfilled.

It's just that fulfillment is a complex thing, so it makes sense that so many different people experience it so differently. For some, "regular sex" is the means to their end. For me, and I am no better than others for feeling this way, it just isn't.