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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Quick Thoughts on Blogging, Bisexuality, and Prostate Stimulation (no relation)



Perhaps this should be three separate posts, but whatever. In preparation for Floating World, Jefferson from over on One Life, Take Two has asked for some reader participation. The topics are absolutely fascinating so I couldn't help but offer my input:

1) Do you blog about sex? Let me know your site, your reasons forblogging, and your experiences as a blogger.


My experiences blogging are somewhat unusual because I have been blogging since before it was called blogging. Back in 1995, I set up a web site for bipolar youth on which I kept a semi-regular running journal. I was 12 or so at the time. My life since then is a remarkably open book. I find that blogging is one of the key techniques I use to maintain self-awareness and self-observation. I do this about sex, but I also do this about friends and family life, social events, and my work life. Making things public just makes things more accessible. I've gotten correspondence from people and have friends I would not have had other wise. To date, I've never experienced a profoundly negative effect from public blogging.

I keep getting warned that one day this is going to bite me, and you know what, maybe it will. But I've already gained so much from my own openness that it seems like a silly thing to fear the potential backlash of the future. I am much stronger now anyway, more confident but also more of a success in other people's eyes. It becomes very difficult, I believe, to point at someone and say "You're bad because of this or that" when you are presented with all the other things they have done that you don't have any problem with.

Those of you who only read this blog may not know about the other topics I write about elsewhere, and those people will probably not wander on over here to read about kink and BDSM. As a result, while I am just one voice, I am a voice for many things. It's that kind of diversity that gives people their strength and which makes it hard to demonize any one aspect of a person's life.

2) What are your experiences with male bisexuality? I'm interested in your personal experiences as well as those involving friends, lovers and/or communities. Anyone is welcome to reply; you needn't be bisexual or identify as male to have an opinion or experience to relate.


I'm a bisexual guy. Bisexuality is hard: there is very little community identity because I don't know of any bisexual guys (or girls?) who are *only* bisexual. Everyone is bi but also kinky or heavily involved in LGBT activism (from which I've noticed the B and the T get dropped very frequently), or something else such as polyamory. Indeed, I am guilty of this myself. It's been to my own detriment, in fact, because while I strongly desire male-male experiences I have been focused elsewhere.

It doesn't help that community norms typically marginalize male bisexuality, and it is infuriating that female bisexuality is actually expected to be par for the course. (First because, hey, I want some of that same-sex action, too, and secondly because don't you think this is completely unfair to the women who aren't interested in other women?) I often shy away from meeting gay men because all too often they dismiss my homosexual interests as merely a passing fad. Or sometimes the reverse case, where my heterosexual interests are inauthentic. To this I say that they have clearly not been reading their own "liberation" material.

Furthermore, the notion of claiming a bisexual identity because it is the cool thing to do, annoyingly dubbed "bi chic" and thankfully not nearly so big a social stigma anymore as it was in the mid-1990's, casts nothing but more shadow over an already veiled identity. Conversely, there is the popular notion of "forced bi", wherein self-declared straight men have irresistable fantasies about being forced into sexual encounters with other men. (Oh, and that's another thing that pisses me off: guys who say they are bi for the sole purpose of getting women. But that's a whole 'nother rant.) When I was in high school and trying to understand what my body was telling me, I struggled for longer than I'd like to admit with the binary idea that I was either gay or straight, but that bisexuality was not an option.

What is it about such black-and-white simplicity that is so attractive to so many people? It's easy, but it's false. Once again, the diversity and fluidity of my gender identity is extremely important to me, and is something I think is actually a healthy thing for everybody to have an understanding about.

3) What are your experiences and interests on g spot and p spotstimulation? Do you enjoy them? Are you frustrated by an inability tolocate them, or to stimulate them?


Kind of dovetailing off the last item, one of the reasons why I am a little hard-up for male-male action is because I absolutely love receiving anal sex. This is primarily because the prostate stimulation is so intense for me. Maybe I'm just wired differently than most people (though I doubt it), but prostate stimulation is so incredibly spot-on (no pun intended), that I am convinced it's one of the most perfect developments in the natural world.

I've never had any problem stimulating my prostate. I've been doing so as a regular part of masturbation since my very early adolescent years (about 11 or so). I started by first pressing my fingers into my perineum and gently rubbing across it. Eventually I began to anally penetrate myself with my fingers. Thank goodness for flexibility! When I masturbate this way, I feel like orgasm approaches much, much quicker than it would otherwise. It's a wonderful addition to sexual play, one I enjoy a lot. I've since bought toys specifically for this purpose, such as the aneros helix. At times, it's actually difficult for me to avoid ejaculating when sexual stimulation is supplemented with prostate stimulation. When I met my current partner, Eileen, we quickly took to strap-on sex in part for this reason.

However, another aspect to our prostate stimulation playtime actually stems from our orgasm control and chastity kinks. Prostate stimulation is a central part of many submissive men's chastity regimes for reasons of perceived prostatic health. In addition, the incredible arousal I experience when my prostate is stimulated makes me super horny. Eileen calls it "stoking my fire" when she fingers me. It's very effective for sexual teasing because many men, myself included, can't ejaculate powerfully via prostate stimulation alone if they can even reach orgasm at all. The net result is that I get more horny, but can't relieve my arousal. That, of course, is the point.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I want your prostate.

I don't mind being penetrated. But only once did I ever get to "harder, faster."

Mostly it was just, "Oh, you want to top me? Ok, I don't mind."

On the flip side, responsive bottom boys are beautiful.

maymay said...

When I am being penetrated it is not usually that I want to feel thrusts "harder, faster" in all cases. Though hard and fast is unspeakably wonderful, even better are the skillful, mindful movements of a top who is reading my reactions and feeding that back into the sex.

Of course, most of that depends on the top's mood at the time. Sometimes a top's self-indulgence is my ultimate pleasure.

R said...

Fascinating.

I've been reading, and adoring, your blog for a little over a month now, and I was completely convinced you were a woman. I suppose, largely, it was because of how well I identify with you, but I had to blink and reread today's post twice.

This is, as I assume you will understand, intended entirely as comment, not in any way as an insult. I am fascinated by how often gender absolutely does not come through in text

maymay said...

I've been reading, and adoring, your blog for a little over a month nowI

Thanks for the kind words, Elizabeth. :)

I was completely convinced you were a woman. I suppose, largely, it was because of how well I identify with you, but I had to blink and reread today's post twice.

That's actually not an uncommon mistake, so no worries. Even in person, friends have told me that I have a "kind of androgynous engergy" about me, whatever that means. I'm sure the nickname "maymay" doesn't help, either.

Was it just that you realized I'm actually male that made you have to re-read this post, or was it something else?

This is, as I assume you will understand, intended entirely as comment, not in any way as an insult. I am fascinated by how often gender absolutely does not come through in text.

Again, no worries. If I'd have minded being mistaken as a woman I wouldn't make it so easy to confuse my gender. ;) I think it is a pretty neat thing to be able to identify with someone of the opposite gender in this way. It drives home the points of gender fluidity really well.

Anonymous said...

friends have told me that I have a "kind of androgynous engergy" about me,

Wait... wait a minute... Maymay - you're a what?! OMFG, I had no idea! Are you like Data from Star Trek or something? Amazing! Your pictures make you look so lifelike and your posts are so human-esque that I had no idea that you weren't ...

Umm... hold on.

*looks up definition of "androgynous" *

Ooops.

Er... never mind.

maymay said...

Are you like Data from Star Trek or something? Amazing!

That would certainly put a whole new spin on the term "fucking machine," now wouldn't it? ;)

Speaking of which, did you see the episode where… ;)

Anonymous said...

Speaking of which, did you see the episode where… ;)

Yes, actually, I did ;-)

Hmmm... Denise Crosby. Totally buff and very hot back then.

R said...

My double take was entirely due to your stating your gender. And then I had to go back and reread. :)

R said...

I also found your comment about the marginalization of male bisexuality interesting. Although I completely agree with it, I had to have a happy sigh that both of my male exes were bisexual... followed up by a sad sigh that while I'm pretty sure that they've gone to bed together, I didn't get to witness it. Alas. You can never have too much hot man on man action, in my book :). One day. One day there will be an mmf threesome in my life, until then I will live on the happy memories of two gorgeous long haired boys fucking on the floor with 8 bisexual women (all of whom were dating or had dated one of the men in question) sitting on the bed narrating the action. That was a good night.

maymay said...

Oh, that's another thing that pisses me off. Guys who say they're bisexual for the sole purpose of getting women. That is just fucking obscene in the not-fun way.

Not that your exes were those men, just that I thoguht of that when you mentioned those memories.

And also, an MMF threesome is one of my biggest have-yet-to-experience fantasies. It was also one of the first configurations of pornography I sought out when I was a but a young(er) lad. :)

R said...

My impression has been that there are far more women who claim bisexuality for the purpose of getting men than the reverse, if for no other reason than there is a stronger ingrained societal response against male homosexuality than female. But it pisses me off from either gender, since it makes it much harder for those of us who are actually bisexual to date people who have been burned by pseudobisexuals in the past. Plus, of course, the whole "lying isn't cool" thing ;)

Anonymous said...

there are far more women who claim bisexuality for the purpose of getting men than the reverse

Agreed, agreed.

the whole "lying isn't cool" thing

See above. :)

Anonymous said...

"The net result is that I get more horny, but can't relieve my arousal. That, of course, is the point."

God that is hot.

Anonymous said...

I love ready your post. I am another man with a very sensible prostate !