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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Truth About Anonymity

I've been found out! More and more of my non-cyber friends, the ones who know me in person, have been finding this blog. And, strange, I haven't even written anything in like, three weeks. (Apologies, by the way, as if I actually owe something to readers. That's another post, though.) Of course, it isn't really that hard to figure out who I am. This seems to be concerning a select few of them, mostly because they are kind and caring individuals who don't want to see me "ruined" or "outed" in a negative way.

So, a couple of points are, I think, due to be made.

First, let's face it, I'm already out and there's nothing I can or really want to change about that. This means that there's too much out there about me for me to go track down and sanitize (as if this sort of thing was dirty to begin with, which I think is a silly notion). I've written a ton of stuff about my sexuality, but so have others. I'm mentioned in at least three main stream media publications that I can think of, though not by full name, so there's just no turning back now. If I'd had any hopes of running for public office, which thankfully I don't, I wouldn't have won anyway.

Second, and more importantly, there's very little power someone can wield over me by exposing me as kinky. See point one for why. The fact that I'm already out about this sort of thing is precisely what prevents this from being a vulnerability. Yes, if certain people found out about my sexual proclivities, I may be in some financial duress, but this is not a major concern for me for at least two reasons. The first is perhaps the more important and it is because I am appropriately discreet. I am careful about keeping my personal life out of my business and this would be the case even if my personal life were not so atypical. (Nevermind the fact that the Internet is proving more and more each day that my personal life is actually pretty darn typical.) The second reason is in part based on this first one and is that I would have a number of questions for the colleague who found this blog and read enough of it to trace it back to me. In fact, that would be a delightful conversation!

A friend and reader pointed out to me rather bluntly that I am not actually interested in true anonymity, but instead only care for a "comfortable layer" of it. This is an astute and accurate observation. None of this would actually hold any meaning if it were really anonymous. It's only powerful because it's really, truly, me, actually authentic.

The truth about anonymity is this: you can't be out and be anonymous. You can't be free while being invisible.


angela st. lawrence said...

Well of all days for me to show up. Let me--if you would so gallantly permit--to say this about that.

You are not alone and Kink is out of the closet big time. Have you seen the recent New York Times Article, A DISCIPLINED BUSINESS? Google it! Simply amazing!

And if I were a betting woman, I would bet that most people who would point a finger in judgment have some serious skeletons in their closets. And they're so sneaky, we don't even know they have closets, let alone secrets!

I send you good wishes.

Sincerely, ASL

Calico said...

Bravo to you, for sure!

I am certainly "out there" (porn, pics, more porn) but I don't have the courage to be as "out" about it as I ought. If that makes any sense.

Myles said...

excellent post.

I feel the same way. I have no problem with folks finding my blog or knowing my "secret". there's a difference between being open & being blatant. I think most people have some sort of dichotomy in their lives, ours just happens to include kink.

maymay said...

Thanks, all.

However, I find it somewhat odd that being out in this arguably reckless (though not overt) way is something to be proud of. That is to say, it's (almost?) shame that this kind of outness isn't the expected norm.

Nevertheless, thanks for and to all.