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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Stupid, stupid gay tops are just as bad as other men and women

I realize this is very old news but I wanted to share this little gem of a message I receieved the other day on the piss-poor web site For fairness (and because it's funnier that way), I'll quote the thing in full without breaks:

Master has attached a copy of his profile.
It may be a little long but if you read it you will understand Master better. Read what Master has to offer and wants.
There are a few question in the profile for you to answer.
Reply show respect.

------ Profile Attached -------

Master owns His bussiness and hom.
Free of all STD's and drugs; as slave must be!
Sane and safe.

Over five years Experience as a true MASTER.

Slave should be 18 to 38; slave should be in good shape and health.

If slave is free of all STD's not just HIV, AIDS but herpes and all STD's then MASTER willing to talk with and plan on relocating; live in, room and board.

Master looking for a slave to care for all slave's needs.

********************READ FUTHER**************************

> Master is free of all STD' as slave must be.
> Master will give his slave room and board.
> Master wants a Master slave relationship and more.
> Master has been train to be a Master over eight years.
> Master has been an active Master for five years.
> Master's last slave need to tend to his mother.
> Master want a slave who knows it's place.
> Master know what He wants from his slave.
> Master is safe and sane. Owns his home and businesses.
> Master need to know if slave has any medical needs.
> Master want to know if slave has food slave can not eat.
> Master can help relocate if we get to that point.
> Limits respected

Slave's reply will show respect.

Okay, I could rip into this forever. Respect? No, that's not something you're going to get.

For instance, it's clear to me this person is suffering from some kind of disassociative state since he only seems capable of referring to himself in the third person. Maybe he's spent so much time looking at himself in a mirror he forgot he's not actually two people. I actually have additional evidence to support this hypothesis; along with this articulate writing sample came a cropped photo of a naked man's body obscured only slightly by the camera's own flash. I can thus also deduce that this person doesn't know how to use the timer feature on a digital camera. I'm frankly impressed he can use a keyboard seeing as how he can't even keep his facts about himself straight. (Five years 'experience'? Eight years? Oh fuck it all, why not fifteen years?)

However much fun the ripping into is, this message does actually illustrate what's been said dozens of times before, but is interesting because it's an example of a gay man doing it. I don't think that's something a lot of people realize happens, or if they do realize it happens, don't realize just how similarly pathetic and stupid it is as all the straight women (and straight men!) who do similar things. It's at least illuminating to see the cold, hard copy-and-pasted evidence that this shit goes on regardless of sexual orientation.

A variant on the above example is also the reason why I've never been able to find myself that interested in the gay leather community, rife with its protocols and traditions. Whereas this man is simply pathetic and arrogant (a dangerous combination if you ask me), the gay leather scene that I've encountered is rigid and formalized, with a much more unyielding cultural structure, an expected path. This is especially true for younger men.

It is identical, in my mind, to the completely head-in-ass thought process that leads "normal" people to think that school, then college, then a job, then marriage, then kids, and then a house is going to bring them happiness and fulfillment regardless of personal feelings. In the gay leather scene, this path is often being a bottom, usually some daddy's boy, getting trained or "molded," thereby learning to serve, then eventually growing up and becoming a daddy by one's self. (Yes, I do realize this is a narrow view of the gay leather scene, but I'm not talking about the scene at large. I'm talking about the one I've experienced directly.)

In all of these things are expectations; expectations like these make me angry. Jaw-clenchingly, fist-poundingly, I-want-you-to-try-to-hit-me-as-hard-as-you-can angry. They do not make me feel submissive. Anger, I think, completely destroys submission because submission, by its very nature in a relationship context, is voluntary.

I get angry whenever I feel as though I'm being saddled with expectations that I interpret as matching any of these very touchy chords—touchy because I've always had long-standing battles with authority figures since I was 6 or so. It's not only a kink thing. I still don't speak to my mother very often because our relationship has been on rocky footing since she all but forced me to attend a religious school I despised. I've seen her once in maybe the last half year, and she lives not three blocks away from me. (Perhaps this is a shame; there are things about her, like her staunch persistence, that I admire.)

But tell me to do something without apparent reciprocal gain or respect, expect it of me, and you'll only strengthen my resolve to fight back or give me impetus to "rebel." (What an immature word; damn useless thesaurus.)

This is not actually at odds with my sexually submissive tendencies at all, by the way. My sexually submissive tendencies are self-serving, self-centered, and selfish, as are yours, and they're healthy that way.

Also, in case someone's thinking it (because I know someone is), non-consensual fantasies and fetishes are not a waiver of liability to disregard a partner or place your own expectations on them. So fuck non-con bull shit. I love non-con stuff, but if you think that submission or even so-called "slavery" (and certainly that crap about 24/7 "Total Power Exchange" in whatever form it shows up) is non-voluntary then you're headed towards a disaster. Voluntary means free of coercion, duress, or undue inducement, which is not the same thing as consent (which merely means, in English, to say okay).


Calico said...

"My sexully submissive tendencies are self-serving, self-centered, and selfish, as are yours, and they're healthy that way."

Thank you! That needed saying.

BJ said...

Every dominant person should have their shift keys disabled. It may seem harsh - but it is the only way.

Devastating said...

really bj/ do we have to/ i was hoping it wouldn't come to this.


Patty said...

I have always found intelligence very sexy in a partner, and that person had the worst spelling and grammar ever!

And I am with you BJ. As a dominant, I still feel strange not capitalizing my husband's name. Everyone deserves that bit of respect.

Eileen said...

Actually, because I am a geek that way, the part of the message that annoys me absolutely the most is this:

Master want a slave who knows it's place.

Because for fuck's sake, if you're going to commit to the habit of calling someone an "it," then you have to treat them grammatically as a thing. None of this "who" nonsense.

Master wants a slave *that* knows its place, and also a smack upside the head.

maymay said...

"As a dominant, I still feel strange not capitalizing my husband's name. Everyone deserves that bit of respect."

Usually, I write my name as 'maymay,' though I never really think twice about it. I don't see how capital letters have anything to do with respect.

"Master wants a slave *that* knows its place, and also a smack upside the head."

slave knows wiggles. ;)

EthylBenzene said...

"Because for fuck's sake, if you're going to commit to the habit of calling someone an "it," then you have to treat them grammatically as a thing. None of this "who" nonsense."

Also, and not to belabor the grammar Nazi thing, but if it's a contraction of "it" and "is" THEN you use the apostrophe. If it is a possesive of "it" there is NO apostrophe. GACK.

Richard said...

That you lower case your handle has actually bugged me. But less so as I got to know you.

Eileen illustrates an aspect of my own reactions that will sure as Hell limit me if I go looking.

The profile you quote reads all too much at the ones I face here. And to be honest I love to wank to them. Bad top profiles make good porn.

But awful options.

Dw3t-Hthr said...

Times like this I contemplate that if I ever wanted to waste a lot of time on the internet, I could post to one of the large BDSM forums. And make sure my profile includes, "Private messages will be corrected for spelling, capitalisation, and grammar."

"Requirements: dominant partner who has the gonads to top a copyeditor."

Yes, I correct my liege's spelling.

Lonna said...

Good words.